[ Door opens, closes ]
Everything's on for tonight ? Yes.
I still think it's too soon to bring him up. We have no choice.
Agon thinks they're onto us. I programmed the C.L.C. for two hours tonight.
There's no telling when he'll be available again. We'll have to move him...
If he comes up successfully, otherwise, we should be prepared to dispose of him the usual way.
Please state registration code. Check.
Where was the subject found ?
We came across it the last day of our field trip into the woods a week ago.
The capsule was perfectly intact. Is there a date on the capsule ?
Oh, yes. The subject was frozen in 1973,
Which means he's been under for 200 years.
[ Machines beeping ]
- Blood pressure. - 140 Over 50.
- Encephalo-activity ? - Just under normal.
General life functions... Acceptable.
He should be coming out of it any moment.
Do we have any information on him ?
Just the usual data card inside the capsule and the personal artifacts here.
Hmm. The subject was 35 years old at time of initial cryogenic emergent.
His name... Miles Monroe. Under occupation it says he was part owner...
of the happy carrot health food restaurant on bleecker street, wherever that was.
Also a clarinet player with something called the ragtime rascals.
Was his emergent voluntary ?
Hmm. According to this,
"Subject entered hospital for routine exploration of minor peptic ulcer...
And complications set in."
The patient never regained consciousness.
He was admitted for cryogenic emergent by his cousin, a mrs. Joan needlebaum.
The physical damage was repaired. Yeah. Totally. Routine.
We're getting an initial motor response over here.
This is the critical stage now. If his consciousness isn't handled carefully,
There could be damaging trauma.
Remember, we're dealing with an involuntary subject who expects to be waking up...
In st. Vincent's hospital in Greenwich village in 1973.
Swallow reflex is almost there.
[ Mutters ]
We've got to get him out of here. He's not ready.
We've got to get him ambulatory whether he's ready or not.
[ Grunts ] careful, careful. Careful !
[ Chattering ] now, just keep him on his feet.
We've got to dispose of this capsule.
When he's ready, get him to the farm. We'll meet there tonight.
Yes. There we go !
Now, let's try to take a step. Like this. One.
Up it comes. Take a step. Look at me. Up, down.
That's it. There you are.
Good. Very good, mr. Monroe ! Good, good.
Up, down. No, he's got it in reverse.
Oh, you're going the wrong way. Mr. Monroe !
No, the other way ! There we go. Whoa !
[ Alarm sounding ] security is coming !
Oh, mr. Monroe ! Please, mr. Monroe, wake up !
We've got to get him dressed quickly. Okay, stand. Right there. Stand, stand.
Stay there. That way. That's it.
[ Alarm continues ]
[ Door closes ]
[ Gulps ]
Ah, mr. Monroe. Here we are.
Oh !
Sorry to bother you, doctor. Is everything okay ?
Uh, yes. We ought to be through here shortly.
[ Alarm stops ] huh.
That's funny. We're getting a misread on the power function.
Really ? Well, I'll order a check first thing in the morning.
Any reason why anyone else would be consuming power ?
No, it's just Dr. Orva, Dr. Monroe and myself.
We definitely did register a power increase here.
Uh, don't mind Dr. Monroe.
He, he, he-- oh.
He's not over the effects of a new ray we've been experimenting with.
Uh, what's this ? Oh, that. Uh--
I think you two better come along with us.
But why ? We haven't done anything. I think I can explain.
You've heard of the venus project, haven't you ?
Yes. Well--
Uh, we had to come in here this evening to finish some very important work.
Now when we asked for clearance, we were given no reason to believe that we couldn't--
Do you have authorization ? Yes, we have clearance.
We came through channels fully a week ago.
[ Woman ] don't you believe-- Dr. Monroe. Gentlemen.
This really is getting-- gentlemen, he's convulsing. It could be dangerous.
Please, please leave us alone so that we can complete our work.
Do we have-- he's going to get dizzy now. This is going to be worse.
We're in total agreement. Can't you see what a difficult--
I think the experiment is getting a little out of hand.
If we hadn't had this interruption, we'd have had it under control some time ago.
Are you sure you have authorization for your experiment ?
Well, he's fully recovered, except for a few minor kinks.
Has he asked for anything special ?
Yes, this morning for breakfast.
He requested something called wheat germ,
Organic honey and tiger's milk.
[ Laughs ] oh, yes. Those were the charmed substances...
That some years ago were felt to contain life-preserving properties.
You mean there was no deep fat ?
No steak or cream pies or hot fudge ?
Those were thought to be unhealthy,
Precisely the opposite of what we now know to be true.
Incredible. Well, he wants to know where he is...
And what's going on.
I think it's time to tell him.
I can't believe this !
My doctor said I'd be up and on my feet in five days.
He was off by 199 years.
I know it's hard, Miles, but try to think of this experience as a miracle of science.
A miracle of science is going to the hospital for a minor operation,
I come out the next day, my rent isn't 2,000 months overdue.
That's a miracle of science. This is what I call a cosmic screwing.
And then where am I anyhow ? What happened to everybody ? Where are all my friends ?
You must understand that everyone you knew in the past has been dead nearly 200 years.
But they all ate organic rice.
You are now in the year 2173.
Now this is the central parallel of the american federation.
This district is what you'd probably call the southwestern united states.
That was before it was destroyed by the war.
- War ? - Yes. According to history,
Over 100 years ago, a man named Albert Shanker got a hold of a nuclear warhead.
You will remain in hiding here for two weeks while we run a battery of tests on you.
Then, when we think you've fully recovered your strength, we'll discuss the plan--
I still can't believe this.
What do you mean, "hiding" ? Who am I hiding from ? What did she mean, "hiding" ?
Well, you might as well know, Miles,
That reviving you as we did was in strict opposition to government policy.
What we've done is highly illegal, Miles,
And if we get caught, we'll be destroyed, along with you.
What do you mean, "destroyed" ? What do you mean, "destroyed" ?
Your brain will be electronically simplified.
My brain ? That's my second favorite organ.
Resisters to mind reprogramming will be exterminated, for the good of the state.
What kind of government you guys got here ? This is worse than california.
There is a growing underground, Miles.
And some day the revolution will come when we can overthrow our great leader.
Look, you gotta be kidding. I wanna go back to sleep.
If I don't get at least 600 years, I'm grouchy all day.
We're taking him along too fast. He's still emotionally unstable.
I can't believe this. I go into the hospital for a lousy ulcer operation.
I lay in a bird's-eye wrapper 200 years, I wake up,
Suddenly I'm on the ten most wanted list.
He's ranting. We'd better tranquilize him.
I knew it was too good to be true. I parked right near the hospital.
Here. You smoke this, and be sure you get the smoke deep down into your lungs.
I don't smoke. It's tobacco.
It's one of the healthiest things for your body. Now go ahead.
You need all the strength you can get.
You know, I bought polaroid at seven. It's probably up millions by now.
Now we have certain artifacts here...
Which we date from 1950 to 2000.
We'd like any information you can give us on them.
Very little exists.
For instance. Uh, this was Joseph Stalin.
He was a communist. I was not too crazy about him.
He had a bad moustache, a lot of bad habits.
This is Bela Lugosi. He was the mayor of new york city for a while.
You can see what it did to him there.
This is, uh-- this is, uh--
Uh, Charles de Gaulle. He was a very famous french chef.
Had his own tv show. Showed you how to make souffles and omelets and everything.
This is, uh, Scott Fitzgerald over here.
A very romantic writer. Big with english majors,
College girls, you know, nymphomaniacs.
Uh, very well known. This is Chiang Kai-shek, who I was not too crazy about either.
This is Billy Graham-- very big in the religion business.
You know ? He knew god personally.
They got him his complete wardrobe.
They used to go out on double dates together.
He was very big. They were romantically linked for a while.
This is some girls burning a brassiere.
You notice it's a very small fire.
Um, this-- I don't know what that is.
That's a photograph of Norman Mailer. He was a very great writer.
He donated his ego to the Harvard Medical School for study.
And this, uh-- this I can tell you--
This is a centerfold from a magazine we used to callplayboy.
Which, um-- these girls didn't exist in actual life, you know ?
They were rubberized. You had to blow them up.
And then you'd fasten it. And you could spread ointment on them or anything else that you--
I'll just take this and, you know, study it later and give you a full report on it.
Uh, and, um,
Would you tell me exactly what this is ?
[ Chattering ]
This. This is-- you see, this is-- this is the chattering teeth.
And this you would buy at a store,
And you'd take it to a party if you wanted to get big laughs.
And you'd put it down on a coffee table or something, you know ?
And you'd set it off. And then, uh--
You see how funny it is ? The teeth chatter.
They're plastic. [ Fakes laughter ]
[ Chattering continues ]
I am going, at this time,
To give to this tv and radio audience--
Some of us have a theory that he might once have been a president of the united states,
But that he did something horrendous...
So that all records, everything was wiped out about him.
There is nothing in history books. There are no pictures on stamps or money.
Yes, he actually was president of the United States,
But whenever he used to leave the White House,
The secret service used to count the silverware.
Thank you very much, jimmy.
From the beginning, Muhammad Ali's career...
was marked by controversy, and who knows ?
It may have ended last saturday in the very same way.
From the beginning-- at first we didn't know exactly what this was,
But we've developed a theory.
We feel that when citizens in your society were guilty of a crime against the state,
They were forced to watch this.
Remember the way it began ? March of 1964.
That's where it really began. Yes, that's exactly what that was.
Would you like some more ? Mm, this stuff tastes awful.
I could have made a fortune selling it in my health food store.
Janis, some more for mr. Monroe.
Certainly, sir.
Are you thirsty, mr. Monroe ?
Me ? No. No, thank you. Of course.
These robots are uncanny.
They're one of our biggest industries here.
Infinitely more sophisticated than any previously manufactured labor-saving devices.
They're plastic. Yeah, I know. But they're alert and they respond.
You know, I've gone out with girls who had less movement than that.
Watch this. Janis, come here.
Yes, Dr. Orva. May I be of service to you ?
Tell us about yourself.
My name is janis 414.
I'm a domestic service menial of the 400 series.
I can cook, clean. I am a butler, a gardener and chauffeur.
I have been programmed to respond to a complex series of domestic commands.
Clear the table and leave the room. We'd like to be alone.
Come on, Miles.
Are there female robots ? 'Cause the possibilities are limitless, you know.
It's getting late. We've got to get you out of here.
What do you mean, "out of here" ? Where am I going ?
We're going to take you to the western district.
The underground movement has its headquarters there.
Miles, have you ever taken a serious political stand on anything ?
Yeah, sure. For 24 hours once I refused to eat grapes.
Miles, there's something called the Aires project.
We want to know what it is.
Why ? Because we believe it's a secret plot...
The leader has to destroy the revolutionary movement.
And how do I fit in ? Miles,
We defrosted your capsule because we needed someone with no identity.
Everyone here has a citizen's record.
We've all been computerized, catalogued,
Fingerprinted, photographed, voice-printed.
But you have no number. You can be used to penetrate.
And if you're captured, you don't know anything.
Why, they could torture you for months. What could you tell them ?
Only my name, rank, serial number and your name.
You've got to help us.
You've got the wrong guy. I'm telling you. I'm not the heroic type.
Really. I was beaten up by quakers. Miles, you're our chance.
No, I'm sorry. I'd love to help you out,
But I never get involved in anything where I could be tortured.
I'm a screamer. That's my problem. It's embarrassing in the morning.
I wake up shrieking at the top of my lungs. Excuse me, sir.
The security police are here, and they're surrounding the house.
When will you be wanting lunch ?
- Go to the western district ! - Find the aires project !
You can do it ! Out that way, Miles !
[ Babbling ]
Fly, goddamn it, fly !
Goddamn cheap Japanese flying packs !
[ Shouting ] no ! No ! No !
[ Engine revving ]
[ Box clicks ]
They still haven't located the alien. We'd like to check the back of your van.
[ Door closes ]
All right. Come on. Let's go. Move it. Out. Let's go. I don't have all day.
Come on, come on.
There's your new home.
[ Woman ] oh, no.
Tsk. Is this the best they could offer ?
Oh, geez. I'd hoped for something with at least decent features. Tsk !
Oh, well, I guess I'll bring you in next week and have your head removed.
Okay. Come on. Come on. [ Sighs ]
What's your name ?
Mi-milo. [ Tv announcer ] the alien is still at large.
Persons observing any unusual activity or behavior...
Should do themselves and our leader a favor...
By reporting it to the police immediately.
[ Sighs ] all right, milo. Listen. I'm expecting company any minute.
You'll help with the drinks and serve. I'm sure some of them will be hungry.
The kitchen is on a single circuit system.
I think I'm going to put some rose oil on my fingertips.
Check the music channel and regulate the aromatrom.
And make sure there's plenty of food for all the people.
All right.
[ Humming ]
[ Bubbling ]
[ Doorbell ringing ]
[ Bubbling continues ]
I think the way it was first explained to me-- do it that way.
Well, which one ? There were so many. That very funny story.
[ Chattering continues ]
Hi, everyone ! Long time no see !
Long time no see. Come right on in.
Wait, wait, wait. [ Chattering continues ]
Come on. Hurry up.
Where did you get that ? It's gorgeous.
Hi. How are you ? How are you, darling ? You look great.
[ Man ] luna. Thank you.
[ Chattering continues ]
[ Door beeps ]
Herald, it's wonderful. Oh, you shouldn't have, really.
I just thought you'd like it. Oh, it's keane.
It's pure keane. No.
No, it's greater than keane. It's cugat.
[ Bubbling continues ] [ chattering, laughing ]
It was white on white. And you know where she got it.
No. You're kidding. Right, right. And you know who paid for--
[ Chattering continues ] [ man ] fantastic !
Magnificent. Oh, let's go tell her about what--
Here it is !
Let me get that for you. Yes, thank you, dear.
The orb.
Um, could I get a hit off of that orb, milo ?
Uh-- [ laughing ]
[ Guests laughing ]
Milo ! Milo !
[ Laughing, chattering continue ]
Just--
Oh. Oh. Mmm.
[ Both laughing ]
Oh ! Ah.
[ Shouts, laughs ]
Now, milo ! Let's all go for a swim !
[ Man ] where's the pool ?
[ Shouts ]
Run, run, run, run !
[ Remote clicks ] ???? [ Upbeat classical ]
[ Gasps ] oh, that was wonderful, her ! I feel so refreshed !
I think we should have had sex, but there weren't enough people.
We'll use the orgasmatron. Oh, that's a good idea.
Come on. [ Chattering, indistinct ]
[ Both moaning ]
[ Both sighing ] oh, I had such a good time.
All in all, I thought the party came off quite well.
Certainly as good as last night's or the night before.
Maybe not quite as good as last saturday's, but you know something, herald ?
I love a party with a theme. Say, there's something on your mind, isn't there ?
They arrested dalton porter today. [ Gasps ]
Why ? He was with the underground.
No. It was horrible.
They tried to reprogram his mind and something went wrong.
He's a vegetable. Mm, I don't want to hear about this, herald.
I saw it happen. He was babbling. Mm-mmm.
He claimed he saw secret experiments at the lexitron hospital.
Something called aires.
I absolutely do not want to hear about it, herald.
This world is so full of wonderful things.
What makes people suddenly go berserk and hate everything anyway ?
Why does there have to be an underground ?
After all, there's the orb, the telescreen, the orgasmatron.
What more do they want ?
It's hard for us to understand the criminal element. We're artists.
We respond only... To beauty.
Oh, yes. I know.
Herald, um, I wrote a new poem today.
You didn't. Yes, I did.
[ Laughs ]
A little boy caught a butterfly and said to himself,
"I must try to understand my life and help others.
"Not just mothers and fathers,
"But friends, strangers too,
With eyes of blue and lips full red and round."
But the butterfly didn't make a sound...
For he had turned into a caterpillar,
By and by.
It's deep.
You're so obviously influenced by mckuen.
Oh, oh, her, do you really like it ?
Only one thing.
Um, they change from caterpillars intobutterflies.
Not the other way. They do ?
Damn it !
Damn it ! Damn it ! I always get that wrong !
Goddamn ! Oh, shoot ! Relax, relax.
I'll get you some chocolate. Oh, no. Now the whole evening's spoiled !
No ! Spoiled ! And I'm getting a headache anyway !
Shoot, I hate to be wrong ! Luna, now, now.
No ! Sit down, sit down.
Luna, sit down. Sit down. Sorry. [ Crying ]
It will be all right. I promise. Now just relax. I was having so much fun.
???? [ Choir ] come on.
That's better.
[ Tv announcer ] and now channel 1200 leaves the air until tomorrow morning.
Our leader wishes you all a pleasant good night.
- Can I help you ? - Would you change his head for me, please ?
- Something a little more aesthetic. - Right.
And check his works. He acts peculiar.
You got room in there for another head change ?
Yeah, sure.
All right. I'll be back in a little while. Let's go.
You have to help me. I'm gonna tell you the truth.
I'm not a puppet. My name is Miles Monroe.
I was frozen in 1973, and some doctors thawed me out.
Everybody's after me, but I didn't do anything ! I'm a nice person.
I have healthy life drives and good goals ! I don't drink. I don't smoke.
I would never force myself sexually on a blind person. You're the alien.
Yes. You're living in a police state. Your government is evil.
We have to find out what the Aires project is. God, you are. You're the alien.
You won't give me away, will you ? You're nice. Oh !
[ Screaming ] no !
I knew I could count on you.
Are you hungry ?
Do you want a cracker, maybe ? Take a cracker.
How can you not be hungry ? We've been sitting here for hours.
This was all you had in the car, were these interstellar space cookies.
Eat something. You'll feel better.
Just take a cracker. [ Screams ]
Will you shut up ?
For god's sakes, put yourself in my position.
I'm a clarinet player in 1973.
I go into the hospital for a lousy operation,
I wake up 200 years later and I'm flash gordon.
Plus I'm a criminal. I never did anything wrong in my life.
I ran a health food store in Greenwich village.
Occasionally, a customer would get botulism.
But that was very rare.
Now you have to help me. You're the only person I know.
I'm gonna take that gag off your mouth, and if you're gonna scream, scream.
'Cause there's nobody for miles. Nobody's gonna hear you. So scream.
- [ Screaming ] - go ahead. Scream.
I love it. Help ! Help !
Scream. Alien ! Alien ! Help !
Help me ! Help !
[ Screaming continues ]
If you don't shut up, I'm gonna take this rock and bring it down on your head so hard...
That a substance resembling guacamole is gonna come out of your ears.
What do you want with me ? I want you to help me reach the underground.
I'm not helping any alien. We don't want your crazy ideas !
So just go back to greenberg's village.
Greenwich village, not greenberg's village !
And that was 200 years ago. I can't go back.
You're sick ! You're sick ! You have to give yourself up !
They won't hurt you. They'll restructure your brain.
Nobody touches my brain. They may drop it.
Then I would talk like Mr. Lapidus who got hit by lightning.
Please ! I wanna go home ! I'm getting a headache.
I'm hungry ! I haven't had a stress pill ! I haven't had a bath in seven hours !
I'm telling you, I'm not accustomed to this !
I need my orb ! I want to relax !
Look at me ! Look at me ! I'm shaking !
You know, you'd be great to take on a camping trip.
I order you to take me home !
They'll be out looking for me. You've abducted a very important person.
I am a renowned poet. I sell 20 to 30 poems a week plus greeting cards.
How far is the western district ?
It'd take days, and that's with a vehicle.
Well, take me there, and you'll never see me again. I promise.
I'm hungry ! I can't think straight.
Obviously, I'll promise you anything.
If I get you some food, will you take me to the western district ?
You sit here. I'll go find us something, and don't try anything funny while I'm gone.
- 'Cause you know what you'll get. - What ?
What ? W-w-what will you get ?
Uh, a...
Large and painful hickey.
My god. I beat a man insensible with a strawberry.
That's a big chicken.
What a way to go-- to be pecked to death.
[ Miles crunching ] mmm. Mmm.
Pass the celery.
Oh ! [ Grunts ]
Here you go. Oh !
Couldn't you get anything else ?
You think it's easy to run when you're holding a banana the size of a canoe ?
You didn't get any dessert. There's no seasoning. There's no wine.
[ Sighs ] I still can't believe the size of these vegetables.
I'd hate to see what they used for fertilizer. [ Moaning ]
- What was that ? - What ?
That noise. Didn't you hear anything ?
Are there any strange animals that I should know about here ?
Anything weird and futuristic,
Like with the body of a crab and the head of a social worker ?
How do you know I won't trick you and turn you into the hands of the police ?
How do I know ? 'Cause I think, what the hell.
I think maybe you trust me a little now. Maybe you think I got you food,
And I'm not really such a bad guy.
Oh ! [ Screams ]
Okay, now we're gonna get a vehicle.
And don't try anything funny or you'll be sorry. Come on.
Oh, our car broke down. Is it possible we could borrow one ?
[ Man ] oh, sure. Come on in. Are you okay ?
Just fine.
My goodness gracious. Just look at yourself. You're such a mess !
So disheveled. I might have some clothes you could just jump right into.
Um, why don't you just come this way.
My car ran out of-- what, honey ?
Oh. We have to borrow a car.
What are you mumbling about ? Could I use your bathroom ?
Yes, yes, of course. Come on in and sit down.
Come on in here and you just sit right down here, you little cutie.
Hello, police ? Listen. I can't speak. I'm with the alien.
We're heading west on the 1600 channel.
Um, we should be at the eastern parallel in about a half an hour.
Detain him somehow. We'll be right out.
Okay, I'll try. I'll try, but I'm not gonna promise anything.
Okay ? We're on our way.
Would you like a stroke ?
Me ? No, thanks. I'm cool.
Uh, excuse me. Do you have a space hydrovac suit ?
Well, of course. Why ? Are you going on the space shuttle ?
Uh. Oh, yes. Yes, I am.
Yes, and he forgot his.
Reagen, bring out my hydrovac suit right this minute.
Here's your silly old hydrovac suit.
Jesus, I could hardly find it. It's such a mess in that bedroom.
What the hell am I gonna do with a hydrovac suit ?
If you don't want the police to recognize you, you gotta take off that robot uniform.
Yeah, but what is a hydrovac suit ?
It's for space travel. Use it as a disguise.
[ Miles ] I see you're starting to think a little bit now.
Why are we stopping by the river ?
I don't know. I think that we're lost.
Jeez. Hey, look !
What ? [ Air hissing ]
Over there !
No, over there ! Should we take her in or get rid of her here ?
Me ? But I'm not the one that you want !
Take her in ! We'll have her reprogrammed !
What are you talking about ? You've been contaminated by overexposure to the alien.
What ? An unhealthy period of time in the presence of the alien.
But I'm the one who turned him in !
- Let's get rid of her now. - Oh ! Oh !
- Be one less reprogramming job. - She'll be fine after the brain treatment.
Help !
Orders were for us to use our discretion. I say destroy her.
[ Screaming ]
Come on ! We're gonna have to swim for it. I can't swim !
What do you mean ? I mean, I can't swim !
But I can't swim either. Get on top of me.
Oh ! Come on. Get on top of me.
I don't want to get wet ! [ Crying ] hurry up.
-[ Miles ] paddle ! - I'm paddling !
Don't worry. I was a lifeguard at bloomingdale.
How could you ? I hate you ! I hate you !
Try not to get upset. They want to destroy me ! Me !
Lean straighter !
Lean left ! Left !
Lean left ! Straighter !
What is it ? It's a 200-year-old Volkswagen.
[ Sighs ] gee.
[ Engine starts ]
Wow, they really built these things, didn't they ?
"Regis-- register commies, not guns."
What's that mean ? What ?
"Register commies, not guns."
Oh, he was probably a member of the national rifle association.
There was a group that helped criminals get guns so they could shoot citizens.
It was a public service. I wanna see that.
This is a New York times. Be careful. From 1990.
"Pope's wife gives birth to twins." wow.
We don't have cities like New York anymore. Really ? No cities at all ?
No, but I went to the university at a population center.
You went to a university ? That's hard to believe. For what ?
Cosmetics, sexual technique and poetry.
No kiddin' ? They teach you sexual technique in school ?
You have to know it in case something goes wrong with the machine.
What do you do, switch to manual ? Tsk.
Where did you learn about sex ? Me ? From my mother.
When I was a kid, I asked her where do babies come from.
And she thought I said "rabies." she said from a dog bite.
And a week later a lady on the block gave birth to triplets.
I thought she was bitten by a great dane. [ Laughs ]
That's perfect. We'll dump it in the water. They'll never find it.
What's it feel like to be dead for 200 years ?
It's like spending a weekend in Beverly Hills.
Hey, don't bother to help. It's a light car.
Were you scared ? Do you believe in god ?
Do I believe in god ?
[ Panting ] I'm what you call a tele-ological existential atheist.
I believe that there's an intelligence to the universe...
With the exception of certain parts of new jersey.
Why is it I never understand what you're saying ?
Why ? Do you believe in god ?
Well, I believe that there's somebody out there who watches over us.
Unfortunately, it's the government.
Miles. Miles, did you ever realize...
That "god" spelled backwards is "dog" ?
- Yeah. So ? - Makes you think.
Yeah. You wanna push the car, please ?
Come, come push the car, will ya ?
Ready ? Yeah.
All right. Let's go !
Nice work. Just my luck. It landed on the back of a turtle.
[ Miles ] hey, this is where they first brought me.
It looks deserted. Oh, we really have gone wrong.
[ Luna ] Hey. Hey, look at this.
Yeah, I wonder who their decorator is.
Shh ! I heard something. What's the matter ?
It's nothing. It's probably futuristic mice. Miles, I'm scared.
There's nothing to be scared of. You're with me. [ Objects clattering ]
[ Gasps ] I did that.
[ Continues gasping ]
For god sakes, get a grip on yourself. You need a drink.
Come on. A drink.
Who are you ? Me ?
Get off my channel.
What are you doing ?
Who is that guy ?
See, I couldn't make enough money, uh, playing jazz,
So I had to open up the health food place.
[ Luna ] weren't you any good ? Yeah, I was all right.
But I always felt that in order to really play jazz,
You had to be black.
I'm just a mulatto. You ?
Yeah. You knew that about me, didn't you ? No.
Yeah, I am. Come on. You're joking.
No, I wouldn't kid about something like that.
My father was black and my mother was white and vice versa.
Oh, come on, Miles. You are joking.
Yeah, I'm always joking. You know that. It's a defense mechanism.
Do you want to perform sex with me ?
Perform sex ? I-I-I don't think I'm up to a performance.
But I'll rehearse with you if you like. Okay.
I just thought you might wanna. They have a machine here.
Machine ? I'm not getting into that thing.
I'm strictly a hand operator.
I don't like anything with moving parts that are not my own.
It's hard to believe that you haven't had sex for 200 years.
Two hundred and four if you count my marriage.
What did your wife do ?
She was a hit man for the mafia.
Was-- was she beautiful ? Yeah, she was great.
You know, blonde hair, you know ?
Great upturned nose. You know, it was really dynamite.
Two blue eyes. One on either side, of course.
I liked the arrangement. That's why I married her.
See, you are. You're teasing me again.
Oh, no. Yes.
You think I'm stupid. No. How can you say that ?
I think that you're bright and sensitive and--
Beautiful. Beautiful.
Yeah, well then how come you're not attracted to me ?
Men go crazy over me.
I'm great physically. I got a PHD in oral sex.
Did they make you take any spanish with that ? What ?
Well, I don't know. I was an english major myself. You know, Chaucer, Pope.
I minored in foreplay. It's a two-credit course at N.Y.U.
Miles ! You're not taking me seriously.
What do you want me to say when you say, "do you want to perform sex with me ?"
I-- it's so cold. I need to be warmed up and sent flowers, romanced.
Sex is different today, you see ?
We don't have any problems. Everybody's frigid.
Oh, that's-- that's incredible.
Are the men impotent ? Yeah, yeah, most of them.
Except for the ones whose ancestors are italian.
Right. I knew there was something in that pasta.
You wanna get in the machine now ?
Oh, you know, we don't need that. You know, really, I--
Really, I think it'd be great if we did, Miles, and I wouldn't be frigid.
You won't be frigid with me. I-- believe me. Nobody ever is.
I got the magic fingers. You're gonna be-- I swear.
I've cured more women of frigidity. That's my specialty. Oh.
Two minutes in bed with me, and you'll sell that thing for scrap iron.
Really. I got a lot of fast moves.
Really. The only thing is I have a little asthma.
So if you hear some wheezing while we're doing it, you know it's me.
But, you know, just give me a decent burial and--
This is the police ! We have the premises surrounded ! Come out with your hands up !
Listen, hide in this room. I'm gonna lead them away.
Find your way to the western district, contact the underground.
And find out what the aires project is. Will you remember that name ?
Yes, the jupiter project. The aires project.
But what about you ?
Don't worry about me, honey. I'm like a cat.
I'll always wind up on my feet.
Oh. Oh. Oh.
Mr. Monroe ? I'm Dr. Nero, your orientation advisor.
I'm here to supervise the initial phase of your assimilation into society,
The society that will take care of your needs and desires...
More efficiently than any you might have thought possible.
Now, you get a good rest and next week you'll begin a new life.
Subject prepared for a total brainwash.
We've programmed the C.H.C. For 1970's reference data.
Proceed at 200, level D. Programming code omega.
All systems proceeding. Activate subject.
Our miss america contest is down to the five finalists.
Miss alabama, miss florida,
Miss california, miss hawaii,
And miss montana.
Now, in order to test the contestants' personalities,
We're going to ask each a question.
Miss montana, if you could do anything for mankind,
What would it be ?
He's not responding. Go up half a cycle.
[ In woman's voice ] I would use my title to bring peace to all nations of the world,
Be it black, be they white, be it colored, be it whatever.
And now for that moment you've been waiting for--
First we're going to give you miss personality and miss congenial.
Miss florida and miss hawaii !
And the second runner-up is...
Miss california !
Finally, the first runner-up, who will take over first place...
If the winner is unable to fulfill the duties and obligations...
That go with winning.
The first runner-up, miss alabama !
Which means that the winner is miss montana !
Anybody here ? I have a new citizen to be outfitted.
Whether you want jackets, we got jackets.
You want trousers, we got trousers.
This is a good time, believe me. We're having a big sale. Tremendous.
Positively the lowest prices.
Maybe you need a nice double-knit.
Incidental, I'm stuck with three pieces corduroy.
[ Nero ] Uh, something simple. We got simple, complicated.
- Why do you worry ? - Who put away that shipment downstairs ?
Why do you bother me ? I got a customer. You know what you're doing ?
That was all velvet. So it's velvet.
Leave me alone. I got a customer.
- Why do you need so much velvet ? - What ?
Where do we come to velvet ? I'll talk to you later.
Uh, I'm in a little bit of a rush here, if it's okay.
Talk to me now. You know what your mistakes are costin' us ?
Drop dead. You wanna drop dead ?
Okay, step against the screen.
[ Machine whirring ]
- This is terrible. - Okay, okay, we'll take it in.
[ Nero ] for the first year, you'll work at the function complex.
It's a required service of all citizens.
This is where you'll be living. It's a gift from our leader.
Isn't this pretty ? I think you're really gonna like it here.
That's your orientation pamphlet.
It has the names of all your new friends.
Now, there will be conversation and discussion assemblies twice a week.
And after you've moved into your own permanent home,
You'll enjoy mechanized servants.
Until then, you can have a computerized dog.
- Rags ! - Woof, woof, woof.
Woof, woof, woof. Hello. I'm rags.
Is he housebroken or will he be leaving little batteries all over the floor ?
Don't yell. We're with the underground.
- [ Beep ] - um, once this week,
I questioned my supervisor.
And, uh, I missed a couple of minutes of our leader's speech on television.
And, um, you know that blonde girl Rainer who works in my office with me--
She's got-- with the long blonde hair and the great tomatoes ?
Um, well, we've been sneaking into the slide projection room on our lunch hour...
And making love together.
And I know if they catch us, it's against the rules.
But, uh, I-I can't help it.
Because, um-- uh, and I hope that you forgive me.
[ Making cash machine sounds ]
[ Luna ] hello, Miles.
- Who are you ? - Who am I ? I'm luna.
- Who ? - Luna.
Don't you remember ? We were outlaws, aliens.
The police captured you. I escaped.
I'm with the underground.
Remember ? The western district ?
Miles, I'm luna.
Luna, remember ? Luna.
Your name is not luna, is it ?
Think back, Miles. 1973 ?
The happy carrot health food store ? The ragtime rascals ?
- You're the alien. - That's right, Miles. I've come for you.
How did you get in here ? Don't come near me.
Rags ! Rags ! Miles.
Get in here. Woof, woof.
Hello. I'm rags. We're not gonna hurt you.
- Come on, fella. Get her. Go for her throat, rags. - Hello. I'm rags.
Woof, woof, woof. We're not going to hurt you.
We're going to reprogram your mind. We're going to free it.
Rags, get her. Hello. I'm rags. Woof, woof, woof.
Go ahead. Goddamn dog. Hello. I'm rags.
[ Whistles ]
Hello. I'm rags. Woof, woof.
Hello. I'm rags. Woof, woof, woof.
Hello. I'm rags. Woof, woof, woof, woof.
We have a good file on him.
We'll induce a hypnotic state...
And force him to reexperience some of the major traumas of his life.
Hopefully, this will shatter his recent personality...
And allow the old one to emerge again.
[ Moans ] my orb. My orb.
You don't need that anymore, Miles.
Now, listen to me, Miles. It's the year 1962.
It's time for that sunday dinner at your parents' house.
Your parents' house ? In Brooklyn ? On K avenue.
[ Miles gasping, panting ]
[ Imitating Miles' mother ] Nu, what are you standing there ?
Come in. Your food is getting cold.
- [ Imitating Miles' father ] let's eat. - Miles, take some peas.
Soon the passover holidays are coming, and you'll be wanting to wear your matzos.
No, I got something to tell you.
Arlene and I have to get a divorce.
She thinks I'm a pervert because I drank our water bed.
[ Speaking yiddish ]
[ Erno speaking yiddish ]
What will themgoyimsay ?
No, no !
Stop whining and eat your shiksa.
[ Groaning ]
[ With southern accent ] oh, no. No, please, don't let in the light.
Oh, cover those lights, please.
Please, don't get up. I was just passing through.
Oh ! Erno.
Oh ! Erno, what's happening ?
Something's gone wrong with the treatment.
His brain is locked somewhere else. He believes he's another person.
No, no. I need-- Miles. Miles. Who are you, Miles ?
I'm blanche. Blanche dubois.
It means "white woods."
He's like a sleepwalker. We can't upset him or it could be fatal.
- What are we going to do ? - Well, you've read Streetcar Named Desire.
Just play along with him. He needs another injection.
Physical beauty is passing. A transitory possession.
But beauty of the mind and richness of the spirit and tenderness of the heart,
And I have all those things.
Aren't taken away but-- but grow, increase with the years.
Strange that I should be called a destitute woman...
When I have all these riches locked in my heart.
[ As marlon brando ] I been onto you from the start.
I seen how you try to sprinkle this place up...
With them powders and those fancy french colognes.
Well, I say, ha !
You hear me ?
Ha ! Ha !
I-- I-- I think-- I-- yeah.
Why-- why, you're not the gentleman that I was expecting.
What's going on ?
Whoever you are,
I've always depended on the kindness of strangers.
How you feelin', Miles ?
Oh, you look beautiful.
You-- you were screaming out different names in your sleep.
I was having sexual nightmares.
Who are the A&P gypsies ?
Oh, you look so different.
I feel different, Miles. I've spent the past six months living like a wild animal.
Really ? That's right, Miles. All of us.
All of us in the underground, we all live day to day on our cunning and our instinct.
We're all a pack of wild animals. [ Man ] lunch, luna.
While you were being a pawn in a capitalistic society,
- Erno's been teaching me the beauty of Karl Marx. - Who's been teaching you ?
Erno. Oh, Miles, you absolutely must meet him. He's wonderful.
Someday in a few months he's going to lead the revolution...
And start a Marxist regime.
Government by the workers and the downtrodden masses.
You remind me of Lisa Sorenson. Who ?
An old girlfriend of mine from the village.
A trotskyite who became a Jesus freak...
And who was arrested for selling pornographic connect-the-dots books.
Miles, I wrote a song about the revolution.
There's not gonna be any revolution unless we stop the Aires project.
Don't you worry about that. You just relax. Now, listen.
?? Rebels are we ??
?? Born to be free ??
?? Just like the fish in the sea ????
Ooh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that you were kissing.
Oh, Miles, I was just telling Erno about aires day.
He has a plan, Miles.
You tell him, Erno.
Right, darling.
Miles, this is a one-channel radio. Wha-what, darling ?
Now, this-- this is a phony thumbprint.
It'll allow her to pass through the security scanning device.
[ Luna ] We're gonna steal operating gowns and pose as doctors.
And that's how we're gonna get inside.
Okay, try not to appear nervous.
Smile. Peasants.
Relax. You're shaking like a leaf. How do you want me to shake ?
Everything's gonna be fine. So how come you're shaking ?
'Cause you're-- you're making me nervous. Don't blame me.
[ Nervous chuckling ] hello.
Would you get a grip on yourself ?
You'd probably feel a lot safer with Mr. White-teeth back there.
Who ? The rebel chieftain with the wall-to-wall muscles on his chest.
You mean Erno ?
Erno. It's a great name if you happen to be the star of a vampire movie.
He's brilliant. Yeah, I know.
He couldn't be with us today. He's gotta go take his handsome lesson.
Oh, you're jealous. Jealous ? Are you kidding ?
With a body like mine, you don't get jealous.
Certainly you don't expect me to tie myself down to one man.
My love is a free gift to all the Bolshevik brothers.
Do what you want. You're over 21. Little tramp.
We're here on business.
Free love. I created a bohemian monster.
Next thing you know she'll wanna have group sex with the robots.
Will you shut up ? You're attracting attention.
Give her a couple of books to read,
And right away she's miss pseudo-intellectual, neo-fascist,
Hegelian, freudian monster. We don't have to go through this if you're gonna get hysterical.
Just get your part right. Don't worry about me.
If it gets screwed up, it's because of you.
"If it gets screwed up, it's because of you."
Oh, you're retarded. I'm on a mission with a retarded man.
All right, just get your part right. No, you get your part right.
I don't know what the hell I'm doing here. I'm 237 years old.
I should be collecting social security.
Do you remember the diagram ?
Here's the fast forward. That's the dual control. That's the manual.
That's the overheat. That's the rewind. We've been over all this.
Yes, I know, but I wanna make sure you got it.
I'm the guy that's going out the window. It's a long drop to the pavement.
I'm liable to bruise my smock.
All right, Miles, don't worry. I got it. This is the manual.
- No, that's the rewind. - Then this is the manual.
No, that's the dual control. I thought you said you had it.
I do. I have it. I have it.
Do you love Erno ?
Oh, Miles, I don't know. Uh--
All right, the coast is clear. Start lowering me.
- This is... Manual. - No, that's fast forward !
Oh ! Oh, Miles.
Oh ! Oh, look, I-- I, uh--
I got some of the tape around.
For a minute I thought you didn't know how to work the machine.
Erno said to take the north escalator.
I'm running this, not Erno. We're going my way.
It's Erno's plan. He knows what he's talking about.
Why ? 'Cause he's handsome, so he knows everything ?
He's got capped teeth. Did you know that about Erno ?
He's got capped teeth. Every one. He's got capped gums.
Erno is an architect and a mathematician.
Yeah, but can he do this ?
You're an idiot. Fine. We're going my way.
Oh, Dr. Temkin, there you are.
Will you come with us ? The meeting is this way.
Doctor.
We're doctors. We're two big doctors. We're not impostors.
Dr. Temkin, could we please ? Big doctor.
Eyes, ear, nose and throat. Please, may we ?
May we, doctor, please ?
Nice work. That's a bad break. They think we're someone else.
I know. If we'd followed Erno's instructions, everything'd be okay.
I don't wanna hear about Erno anymore.
That's the only thing that makes me s-stutter.
It's always Erno. I'm tired of hearing about him.
No more Erno. Shut up, shut up, shut up !
All right.
[ Man's voice ] gentlemen, none of you have ever met before...
For obvious reasons of security.
But now Aires day is here.
I realize that what I'm about to say will come as a great shock.
However, I'm counting on you to respond appropriately.
Ten months ago, our leader suffered a horrible accident...
When a bomb, planted in his home by members of the underground, exploded.
Naturally, it was kept quiet.
But since then, we have virtually been a leaderless society.
Unfortunately, preparations for a successor...
Have never been adequately clear.
In short, we have been in the throes of a major crisis.
As for our leader,
The emergency department rushed to the scene of the accident immediately,
But all that remained of him was this.
This is our leader's nose.
Using great presence of mind,
We rushed the nose to our closest Delta laboratory which is here...
Where, through massive biochemical effort,
It has been kept alive for nearly a year.
Our dream has been that by cloning,
We would reduplicate the entire leader again.
Cloning, for those of you unfamiliar with biology,
Is a process by which using one single cell,
A duplicate of the person it came from could be formed.
Till now we've only had limited experimental success.
But all efforts have been directed to cloning over the past ten months.
And now we feel confident we can reproduce our leader...
In perfect tact from his nose.
Gentlemen, with god's help, in a couple of hours,
We will have our leader back.
And we will then coordinate aires phase two...
Which will exterminate all dissident factions on signal...
From our reborn leader.
Miles, it's a nose. Yes, I know. I was right here.
What are we gonna do ? Radio Erno immediately. Now is the time to strike.
The leader is suffering from a terrific handicap. He has no head or body.
We're not fully prepared. It doesn't matter. They're in a state of chaos.
If we strike quick, we got 'em. Okay, give me the radio.
I dropped the radio. You dropped the radio ?
It fell out of my pocket when I was hanging outside. Fell out of your pocket--
Will you stop repeating everything I say ?
Get a grip on yourself.
We gotta stop 'em. There's only one way. We gotta steal the nose.
How ? Uh, I don't know. I never stole an organ before.
Wait a minute ! I got an idea.
The nose is in the operating chamber. Right.
We go to the floor below, cut a hole in the ceiling... [ Repeating ]
Big enough to slide through, come up under the nose and hide it under my coat.
It's a stupid plan. There's no chance. What's wrong ?
Because it's too subtle. We have no time for that.
We're dressed like doctors. We go into the operating room.
You create a diversion, and I'll steal the nose. Great !
Ooh. Miles, I'm scared.
Take it easy, will you ? You took some skin there.
Here. What is that ? A table lighter ?
You gave it to me from Melik's. Before they captured you.
Where have you been hiding it ? Don't tell me. Ooh.
The trick in these situations is to remain cool.
Miles, you're biting my nails. 'Cause you're tense.
We're here to see the nose. I heard it was running.
Dr. Temkin, we're ready on this end.
You don't mind if some of our younger people...
Who are not involved in genetic programming just observe ?
No. Not at all. I like to be watched while I clone.
The more the merrier. I never-- I never-- never clone alone.
[ Computer voice ] Hello, Dr. Temkin. So nice to see you.
I'm bio-central computer 2100, series G.
I'll be assisting you through the entire process.
May I say, doctor, we're all aware of your reputation...
And we look forward to a successful and rewarding cloning procedure.
This is my-- my assistant. D-d-Dr. Spock. Janis.
J-j-j-janis. Dr. Spock.
- Dr. Spanis. - Dr. Spanish.
- Dr. Snot. - Dr. Slavish.
I better have a look at the patient.
Oh, wow. It's in a lot worse shape than I thought.
Better lay off armenian women.
You can see the coded medical history on readout four.
I believe that this is going to be a...
Very difficult croning job.
Oh, yes. Cloning, you idiot, not croning. Cloning !
- We're ready to proceed. - Uh-- hmm.
After looking at the nose,
I get the feeling that what we ought to do perhaps is postpone the cloning.
Excuse me, doctor, but that would be a tragic mistake.
See, I think what the computer is failing to take into account...
Is what I call the Pinocchio factor,
Which states that the square root of the proboscis...
Is equal to the sum of the sinuses... Over seven.
Well, what is your opinion, doctor ?
Should we proceed with the cloning or should we postpone ?
Ah, indeed.
I, uh-- one moment. A moment. A medical moment.
Yes. Well, uh--
Yes, I believe that we should go ahead with the cloning.
Go ahead with the-- excuse me. I have to have a conference with the doctor.
Doctor, for a second if you'll just come over here.
I just wanna speak to you about that.
What do you mean go ahead with the cloning ? What are we supposed to do ?
I don't know how to clone a nose. You're crazy !
[ Both arguing ]
[ Arguing continues ]
Doctor, please proceed. [ Miles ] stop it !
You stop it. Get a grip on yourself.
Of course I'm glad you put it to me in that fashion.
And now if you'll let me have the lobster fork, please.
What you have here-- I diagnosed the entire situation,
And I think what we've got, what we're dealing with basically is a nose.
I think we're all in aggreance on that.
I have the little beggar right here.
And what you want basically is a whole entire person...
connected to that nose, right ?
Otherwise, you'd get your money back.
Now, did you want me to leave room for a moustache,
'Cause there's a nice area in there which it'll--
It's, um-- what--
It's clever. She's clever.
What the doctor is doing here-- we're placing down the garments, 'cause we're gonna clone.
We're gonna make an attempt to clone the patient directly into his suit.
And that way, he'll be completely dressed at the end of the operation.
It's a first in cloning, and then we could all just get the hell out of here.
We don't have to hang around the clothing room while he suits up.
I think it's time to check the cell structure.
Suggest it's-- checking the cell structure. Checking the cell structure !
Ah, checking the cell structure. Checking... The cell structure.
[ Miles ] the structure cells to be checked.
Checking the cell structure. [ Whistles ] checking the cell structure.
Checking the cell structure. Checking the cell structure.
And now the cell structure has been checked. I thank you so much.
And now I'll just take my mask, if you don't mind,
And I'll strap it on to my face.
And if you'll excuse me for one second...
While I give the patient a quick nostrilectomy.
Uh, this is it. Keep your fingers crossed.
Something's going wrong. There's been a current break in the life-support system.
What I think we should do-- [ man ] what's that you've got under your mask ?
Pardon me ? Under my mask ?
Nothing. Why ? Is-- does-- does it look excessively bulbous ?
He's got the nose. He's got the nose under his mask.
He's got the nose.
Quick ! Quickly !
All right, nobody move or I shoot your president.
All right, come on. We're getting out of here.
Don't come near me. I'm warning you, or he gets it right between the eyes.
He'll do it. I've seen him shoot a nose.
Please, please, please be careful.
You don't realize that you've been dealing...
With one of the greatest minds you've ever seen.
Yeah, and his isn't so bad either. Yeah.
Don't come near us.
All right. Get out of here now.
He's bluffing. He wouldn't shoot the nose.
Bluffing, am I ?
Okay, clowns, you asked for it.
Miles, I can't believe it. I cannot believe that we actually did it.
An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth and a nose for a nose.
I don't know what the hell that means, but it sounds brilliant.
Oh, Miles, you were absolutely wonderful.
Just think. Erno's plan worked.
What do you mean Erno's plan ? What was I through all of that ?
What do you mean you ? It was Erno's plan ?
Look, I cannot get into this discussion about Erno with you.
I'm getting a hostility ache, and I'm-- a migraine headache now.
And I haven't seen my analyst in 200 years.
And he was a strict freudian.
And if I'd been going all this time, I'd probably almost be cured by now.
Miles, Erno's going to lead the revolution and head the new government.
Look, don't you understand ? In six months, we'll be stealing Erno's nose.
Political solutions don't work. I told you that.
It doesn't matter who's up there. They're all terrible.
The political men-- what are you looking at me like that for ?
I think you really love me.
Of course I love you.
This is what-- this is what this is all about.
And you love me. I know that. And I don't blame you, honey.
You know, I-- I-- I-- and I'm not knocking Erno.
He's great if you happen to like...
A tall, blonde Prussian, Nordic, Aryan Nazi type.
But, Miles, meaningful relationships between men and women don't last.
That was proven by science.
You see, there's a chemical in our bodies...
That makes it all so that we all get on each other's nerves sooner or later.
Hey, that's science. I don't believe in science.
You know, science is an intellectual dead end.
You know, it's a lot of guys in tweed suits cutting up frogs...
On foundation grants and--
Oh, I see. You don't believe in science.
And you also don't believe that the political systems work.
And you don't believe in god, huh ? Right.
So then, what do you believe in ?
Sex and death.
Two things that come once in my lifetime.
But at least after death you're not nauseous.